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Joke of the Day

"hey boy ;) is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see m- oh, it is a gu- yes i will open the cash register"

"ME: I think we're being followed DATE: Really? M: [checks rear-view mirror] Yep D: Wait you carry that around with you? M: Just keep walking"

"I just bought a round of shots for everybody, but they're being totally ungrateful and saying they don't even have tetanus."

"If you watched a movie of my life backwards it would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them back into the fridge."

"Dayum girl, did you fall down from heaven? Cuzz ur face is fcked up."

"Damn girl, are you the Employee of the Month? 'Cause you sure do suck a lot of dick."

"How do you call a game console named after an MMA fighter? Nate DS"

"What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high? The electrician knows where the ground is."

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite form of coordination? HAAAAANNNNND EEEYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEYYYYEEE"

"What do you call really clear urine? 1080p"