170557

Joke of the Day

"I'm very ugly. But two minus make a plus, so we alright"

"Hillary's team is really going all out to get the LGBTQ vote... They've even convinced Huma to get rid of her Weiner."

"Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus? It turns your two and a half inch floppy disk into a hard disk."

"Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag."

"Saw a hawk swoop down over the highway and fly off with a snake in his mouth and I can't even switch lanes while eating a Twizzler."

"What's your best limerick? There once was a fellow McSweeny Who spilled some gin on his weenie Just to be couth He added vermouth Then slipped his girlfriend a martini"

"By the cup of Nescafe even the most secret thoughts turn into words, and by the bottle of vodka into actions."

"What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? Stick his bill up his ass."

"My bartender offered me a new drink last night called a ""Sandy."" It's a watered-down Manhattan."

"I hurt my back while cutting down a tree. Guess you could say I have lumber problems."