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Joke of the Day

"Hope my marriage can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan."

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"Life is like a game of Monopoly: if you're good at it, the rest of your family will hate you"
"I was trying to work out which of the Thai girls at a bar was actually a girl, and got it embarrassingly wrong... ...I felt such a dick."
"A woman steps into a time machine She goes back 10 minutes so she can add less sugar."
"What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans"
"The 4 stage of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 3. You are Santa Clause 4. You look like Santa Claus"
"What's the difference between Ellen Pao and Kim Jong Un? Kim Jong Un has control over his country."
"there's a jehovah's witness dressed up as a cop who keeps banging on my door, haha nice try buddy"
"If ""Pizza?"" is the question, ""Pizza!"" is the answer."
"Why do Greeks like fried foods? Because they're greasy"