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Joke of the Day

"What do you have when you have two small, green balls in your hand? Kermit's undivided"

"What do you call a deer that likes rain? A rain-deer. I know it's terrible."

"Finding a guy to marry who is rich enough to pay off my debt, but not so rich he wants a prenup is, like, so much harder than I anticipated."

"What does a priest and McDonalds have in common? They both like to stick meat in their 10 year old buns."

"It used to be that when people would tell me to go to Hell, I'd say ""I don't believe in Hell."" But then I got married."

"What do you call a American football team full of retards? Special teams"

"R.I.P water You will be mist!"

"*daughter grabs 50 shades of grey* NO! *smacks it out of her hand* ""I want to color!"" ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK ""But daddy-"" DON'T CALL ME THAT"

"Dad called me a cunt I always buy him socks for Xmas. I said, ""you bastard, it's the thought that counts."" I could tell by the look in his eyes he would have kicked my head in if he had legs"

"How to cow tip: First, sneak up behind the cow. Next, get into a wide stance. Finally, slip the money into it's bell."