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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally OD'd On Benefiber The other day I accidentally OD'd on Benefiber. Boy, the shit really did hit the fan."

"Why is it so hard to learn the C programming language? It has no class."

"How do Mexicans cut their pizzas? With Little Caesars"

"[on the phone with an ex while violently twisting and stabbing a voodoo doll] Are you sure you're ok?"

"How does the butcher introduce his wife? Meat Patty."

"I painted my computer black in hopes that it would run faster. Now it wont work."

"Where does a russian bird sleep? IN A COMMU-NEST"

"Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose? Accused: No. *cries into palms Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared again."

"I can control what you do next in life. Made you click."

"What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn? You can't play football with the remote."