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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: Please take the trash out ME: Ok *later that night* ME: I'm having a nice time TRASH: Wow, the food here is spicy AF"

"If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard."

"I wish Benedict Cumberbatch played Q in 007 Then I could call him Benedict ""Q"" Cumberbatch."

"What does Team Rocket and a Peeping tom have in common? They are both always trying to get a Pikachu."

"Why do scuba divers always jump backwards off the boat? If they jumped forwards, they would still be on the boat! Sorry."

"I have a very dry sense of humor. So I drink moisturizer."

"What is a Mexican with a rubber toe called Roberto"

"Why do gardeners make horrible cops? Because they keep planting evidence."

"I wonder if Ninja-Siri wields Cortanas."

"Why didn't the homophobe decorate his house for Halloween? Because his skeleton was in the closet"