120340

Joke of the Day

"I'm a perfectionist when it comes to being imperfect."

"Someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds Poor bastard."

"My stalker just threatened to kill herself if I didn't love her back. It's nice when problems resolve themselves like that.;-)"

"Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in."

"I've lost a friend after we chopped up a man from Bangkok together We severed Thais"

"Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. ""Attempt 7 of 25""."

"I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.L Then it dawned on me."

"Do you need an Ark? I Noah guy."

"Me: You have to be nice or Santa won't deliver any toys this year. 5: Me: 5: My brother lets me play with his."

"I'm not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn't looking, I can turn water into Sprite."