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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork. Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!"

"*falls down* Mom: What was that? Me: My shirt fell Mom: It sounded much heavier than a shirt Me: I was in it"

"You can't spell Meek Mill.. ..without two consecutive L's."

"My mothers nearly 80 and she still doesn't need glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle!"

"When I die, I might have an open casket funeral. Remains to be seen."

"Me: Can my gift this year be a new secretary. Boss: I cannot legally assign you anyone until your last secretary's case goes to trial..."

"The best thing about Adrian Peterson's suspension... ...he gets to spend more time with the kids."

"I went out with anorexic twins last night... 2 birds, 1 stone"

"What did OJ say to Nicole just before he killed her? *Your waiter will be with you in a moment, ma'am*. (was reading an OJ post in another sub and remembered this one.)"

"Did you know a load of hairy gay Theodore Roosevelt impersonators had a meal in the park today? It was the Teddy Bear's picnic."