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Joke of the Day

"What did the bullfighter shout just as a bull gored his guts out? Ole shit!"

"I've been training my facial muscles to do the nose twitch from Bewitched, and just had a huge breakthrough with the right nostril. Big day."

"If you want to confuse a teen just ask them what the opposite of literally is."

"Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky stopped smoking cigars? Now she's just bummimg cigarettes!"

"Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood"

"For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids"

"I could never be gay I just can't have sex with someone I respect"

"After being fired Donald Trump went to collect his last paycheck from NBC but HR wasn't sure who toupee"

"Why did the dyslexic man have slime on his face? Because I told him a good joke."

"God *twisting an owl*: I can't get this damn jar open."