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Joke of the Day

"The female praying mantis devours her male within minutes of mating, whereas ... the female human stretches it out over a lifetime!"

"ELF: Santa one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA: Use a pen."

"Rules Rule #1: There are no rules! Rule #2: Rule #1 is a lie! There are ALL THE RULES!"

"What do you call a Muslim Girl dating an Agnostic Guy? For safety purposes, I don't know if I should tell you her name.."

"I saw Santa Claus having sex with my mom. To get him back, I poisoned his cookies. Some how the bastard found out and killed my dad."

"*wife puts down dinner plate* *single pea rolls off plate* Me: oh no we have an esca-pea Wife: Me: I don't care I think it's still funny"

"Clock Joke Very Funny Why do people never eat clocks? Because it's really time consuming."

"Did you hear about the broken watch from the 1800's? It was a timeless classic."

"Just wrote ""58008"" on my calculator app and when I turned it upside-down, it auto-orientated back to the right way up. I hate the future."

"I went to the doctor this morning and I have mono. At my age I think I should have surround sound."