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Joke of the Day
"A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat The bartender says ""Put that back you thief!"""
Next Joke
"I spent ages trying to cross a busy road. Some passer-by said, ""There's a zebra crossing fifty yards up the road."" I thought, ""I hope he's having better luck than me."""
"What's the most inconvenient thing about liking big butts? The inability to lie"
"They should make a medal for anyone who uses a whole tube of chapstick before losing it."
"Because the unspeakable can also happen to men I bought myself a rape alarm. I'll be fucked if this thing doesn't work."
"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Poop"
"What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld? Did you ever notice he seems to start off all of his jokes in one of two ways?"
"Dog (curled up, napping): I never poop on the carpet and I love cats. Wife: Is the dog talking in its sleep? ""Shhh let sleeping dogs lie."""
"How do dogs like to have sex? RUFF!"
"My cat's staring at the wall again. Either she can see ghosts, or she's mulling over past social situations she wishes she'd handled better."