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Joke of the Day

"If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you what have you usually done wrong? Made her chain too long."

"On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun."

"What's a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!"

"Autocorrect just changed faux pas to faux pasta and this gluten war has gotten out of hand."

"Bring a Knife on a date? When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"Six words that strike fear in the hearts of parents everywhere: You've been volunteered as a chaperone"

"Adele has announced that she will be singing the theme for the next James Bond film. Diet Another Day will be released in 2014."

"Why did the man with an electric car think he had a dual exhaust? He drank a lot of beer. He ate a lot of beans. *You love it.*"

"What do characters at Disney World and strippers have in common? No touching!"

"Friday night. Sitting in a bar. As the designated driver. NO, I'M NOT BITTER. I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE OUT OF A SENSE OF WONDER."