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Joke of the Day

"If your wife comes out of the kitchen to whine at you what have you usually done wrong? Made her chain too long."

"A great excuse for being late is ""I don't know how to tell time"""

"How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them."

"[on a plane] Stewardess: ""Would you like a mint? It'll help your ears during takeoff"" Me: ""Sure, can I have two?"" *puts one in each ear*"

"New clothing store seen at local Mall named 'Off Topic'. Apparently it's aimed at edgy teens with ADHD."

"Gardens (only clean joke I know) Why don't you tell secrets in a garden? Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk."

"Trolling my FB friends by commenting ""Looking good ;)"" on solo pics of their husbands"

"I hate bikes that carry two people. I can't tandem."

"How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? You staple food to the ceiling."

"Two bats are hanging on the branch... -What was your worst day? -When I had diarrhea."