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Joke of the Day

"How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? Fuck that. It's the nurse's job."

"""There's a word for people like that...No, I'm saying, there's a word and I don't know what it is. I'm not being fucking poetic."""

"What's the difference between Bill and Hillary Clinton? One wants their aides to keep their mouth closed, the other wants them to keep their mouth open."

"Neurotic condoms stay awake at night thinking ""I'm only 99% effective."""

"What did the cop say to his belly button? You're under a vest lol"

"Do mermaids clean the sea or how does that work?"

"In high school I hooked up with my teacher... She was really into me... I mean I was home schooled, but still!"

"So I tried catching some fog today... I mist."

"What do you call it when Feminists own an independent sovereign state? A CUNTry. Yes, I'm terrible."

"What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes."