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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I end up watching cartoons after my kids have left the room. On a related note, has anyone seen my kids?"

"Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me."

"vote for me if ew like it watsup boring.facebook fucking.viber irritating.tango disgusting.skype ignoring. google porn'in ....lyf is complicated."

"I have a dog. He has no legs. I named him ""Cigarette."" And everyday, I take him for a drag."

"After watching all of M. Night Shyamalan's movies I realized the biggest twist... ...his career has been dead the whole time."

"After working out for over a year, I successfully dated several girls who always jumped on my couch, saying 'do whatever you want with me'. But unfortunately none of them liked Mario Kart. :("

"Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time, too."

"When Egypt had no internet, it was called Gypt."

"Is there some kind of platonic version of Tinder? Asking for a friend."

"I have an eating disorder; I'm about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets."