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Joke of the Day

"Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn't listening to begin with."

"Did you hear the energizer bunny was arrested? He was charged with battery"

"I like to stop at the UPS store late at night and leave little notes on their door letting them know I stopped by but they weren't open."

"Why didn't the Siamese chicken cross the road? he was two chickens"

"[At Mall] Good cop: CLEAR A PATH PEOPLE! Bad cop: OFFICIAL POLICE BUSINESS Black Friday cop: *Segways past everyone & gets the last HDTV*"

"Why is it so hard to convict horse rapists? Because sometimes neigh means yay."

"I like my woman like I like my coffee... Smuggled in a sack from Colombia"

"Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!"

"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't comeback, tell everyone she has herpes."

"A lot of guys found Princess Leia attractive... ...but for me she ticks Alderaan boxes."