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Joke of the Day

"a cowboy dog walks into a town He goes right into the saloon and says,"" I'm looking fer the varmint that shot my pa' ""."

"Took me three hours to drive home through the snow, but it was worth it because when I got home, my family totally ignored me."

"Who is this Rorschach guy?... ...and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?"

"Him: ...and I asked you out because you're smart and pret-WHY ARE YOU POKING ME WITH A STICK? Me: To see if you're real or if I'm just high"

"Say what you will about pedophiles At least they drive slowly past schools"

"My wife was having an affair... I was devastated. But, by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam and we're stoning her in the morning."

"If batman and catwoman had a kid it would be batcat or the less popular manwoman."

"[Shopping with teen son] *sees hot girl* *waits until she gets close* *grabs box of adult diapers* ""How are you doing on Depends bud?"""

"A man's girlfriend shaves her pussy in the shower. His girlfriend says ""Hey babe, I shaved my pussy...you know what that means?"" The man replies ""Yeah, the fucking drain is clogged again."""

"*steals machine parts all year* *gets coal for xmas* ""Santa you idiot, the parts were for a pressure chamber"" *turns coal into diamond*"