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Joke of the Day

"What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand? My hand"

"Benedict Arnold's boy pointed out the front window ...and pointed at a maple. ""Look daddy, a bush,"" he said excitedly. ""That's not a bush,"" Benedict replied, ""that's a tree son."""

"God: ""Adam looks kind of lonely down there. What should I do?"" Frog: ""ribbit"" God: ""haha, alright man"""

"There are exactly 2 options for headphone cord sizes: 1. Headphone users have torsos? 2. Giraffe strangler"

"What body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s? Spine"

"What kind of apes can you find swinging on vines? GrApes"

"Im not sure whats so 'outstanding' about this bill? It seems pretty ordinary to me."

"I had a near miss on my a flight to Thailand. Well a pre-op Transsexual."

"[police station] ""sir you get one phone call."" [calls 911] ""hello 911 what's your emergency?"" yeah a bunch of pricks are holding me hostage."

"Q.What do me and a mirror have in common? A.When we see your face we both crack up!"