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Joke of the Day

"I dated a soccer player once. I also learned a new word that's in poor taste to yell out during climax."

"My daughter is such a happy little person she giggles in her sleep, which makes me worry that somehow she's not my biological offspring"

"If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men?"

"I love the smell of abandoned commercial manufacturing plants. I find it to be a pleasant old factory experience."

"I changed my phone ringtone to the doorbell sound bc I don't answer that either."

"Why did Theon Greyjoy become Reek as Ramsay Bolton's hostage? He was suffering from Starkhome syndrome"

"I still say a wasp's nest chucked through the window would be the ideal way to end any hostage situation. Nobody's hanging around in there."

"Pizza is like sex When it's good, it's the best. When it's bad, it's still pretty good"

"Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute"

"Q. Why do blondes have more fun? A. They are easier to keep amused."