168534

Joke of the Day

"[in car] Wife: Dont tell ur arm story Me: Im gonna stick to humorous stories 2nite babe *at party* AND THAT'S WHEN MY HUMOROUS BROKE IN HALF"

"The last time I wet the bed... ...I was pretty pissed."

"Why couldn't the life guard save the drowning hippie? Because he was too far out man."

"Why do you never have sex with someone's ear? Because you'll give them hearing AIDS."

"Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies."

"The bright side of global warming is that 100% of our great grandchildren will own beachfront property."

"therapist: im glad u overcame ur fear of snakes and all but- me, with a snake: ur gonna say i shouldn't have married this snake aren't u"

"""I bought some dodgy steroids last week and I grew another penis"" ""Anabolic?"" ""No, just the penis"""

"I slept with a girl who was so fat I had to roll her around in flour to find the wet spot"

"Alan Rickman's grave was prepared many days ago... ... They've just been waiting for him to slither-in."