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Joke of the Day

"[in car] Wife: Dont tell ur arm story Me: Im gonna stick to humorous stories 2nite babe *at party* AND THAT'S WHEN MY HUMOROUS BROKE IN HALF"

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."

"What do you call a Jedi knight who delivers babies? Obi-Gyn Kenobi."

"[evil villain turns around in chair to confront adversary but spins too fast and does two complete revolutions before talking]"

"All carpentry tool names were created by someone in desperate need of sex."

"If you think Pi is 3142, then you're missing the point."

"I had a dream about a horse in a suit of armor. Pretty sure it was a knightmare."

"So Paul Walker has died.... Bringing to an end the Fast and Furious Saga - they have however, introduced a new series - The Slow and Decomposing too soon?"

"I tripped over some stupid plant so I gave it the finger and walked in a circle around it because I wasn't sure where its stupid eyes were."

"Q: How do astronomers organize a party? A: They planet Insert death threats below"