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Joke of the Day

"*pretends to get an urgent text so I can turn around after I notice I'm walking in the wrong direction*"

"Password security questions be like: What's your middle name? Why are you single? What's wrong with your big toe?"

"I really hate it when people repeat something twice when making a point. don't do that guys, don't do that."

"Why don't boobies make apple juice? BECAUSE GIRLS ONLY HAVE A ""PEAR"" AHAHEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE"

"Do you like tapes and CDs? (Only open if yes) (or not I don't Carr) Yea? Tape this dick to your forehead so you can CDs nuts"

"What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home? ""Where on Earth have you been??!!"" **Thank you, I'll be here all night... Edit: Thanks for da love Dr. Jones!"

"What's 10 foot long and stinks of piss? Old folk doing the conga."

"""They're meh."" --Tony the Tiger, off his Paxil for a few days"

"No matter what sexual role play idea my wife decides on, I always have to play the same character... The husband that's out of town."

"What is the difference between sex and golf? In golf, less strokes is enough to win. I could actually use some help refining the punchline on this one if anyone has some ideas."