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Joke of the Day

"What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home? ""Where on Earth have you been??!!"" **Thank you, I'll be here all night... Edit: Thanks for da love Dr. Jones!"

"[home] FRIEND: How'd family dinner go? ME: Huge mess to clean. F: It's spotless! M: *sprays luminol* You'd never know they were even here."

"So my friend said to ex girlfriend ""Please dont throw me under the bus"" I replied "" Ya thats right throw her under the subway"""

"I'm no wine connoisseur, but I do know this bottle of wine pairs perfectly with the bottle I just finished."

"Did you hear about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they could not understand."

"I don't always have sex with star trek fans... but when I do, I prefer dos trekkies."

"1) My wife and I are fighting 2) My phone has an annoying ringtone whenever someone RTs me 3) My phone is in the room where she's sleeping"

"One time I fell off a 20ft ladder, then climbed right back up and jumped off a second time to show that ladder who's in charge."

"So I tried catching some fog today... I mist."

"What's the best part about getting a puppy? Getting new shoes every week."