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Joke of the Day

"This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore."

"A blind man goes for a morning walk He's walking around tapping away. He happens to pass a fish market. He takes in a deep breath and says ""Aaaaahhhhh. Good mornin ladies"""

"Sirs & Ma'ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn't just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too."

"Mommy, what are these? ""Put them back they are sleeping pills!"" Oh, then you shouldn't yell ""Why?"" [whispering] YOU'LL WAKE THEM UP"

"[5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: ""everything's a competition to you"" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] ""no it's not"""

"What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini? You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini."

"What's the quickest way to clean semen off a poodle? Seriously. I need to know because my mother-in-law is due back home in about 20 minutes."

"My 6yo is arguing with me over what day of the week it is. Have kids, they said."

"At Walgreens I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and said, ""Make it 52""."

"Do you know how they came up with the name for a shark? It's a mix of two swear words; ""SHIIIT"" and ""FAAARK"""