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Joke of the Day

"My doctor diagnosed me as a delusional. Edit: Thanks for my first ever Reddit gold, stranger!"

"What do you call a cow thats had a hysterectomy? Decaffeinated."

"Sometimes I wake up moody... The other times, i let her sleep."

"How do you pick up a jewish girl... With a dust pan."

"Today, I woke up an optimist. He punched me in the face."

"A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party. He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover."

"When ever I make Eggs Benedict, I always serve it on a hubcap. Cause there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

"You must be radiating feminine mystique because every man in the cafe is looking at you, and then you realize there's a TV over your head."

"What do you call a pickle on sale? A sweet Dill."

"Q: What did the candle say when he was down on his luck? A: I'm at wick's end."