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Joke of the Day

"I watched a programmer do stand-up comedy. I've gotta say, I loved his bits."

"I used to be a Banker.... but then I lost interest"

"Pull the pin out of a grenade... and you can keep it for the rest of your life."

"Where does the 3D shape go when it murders someone? Prism"

"If I kept a record of how many steps I walk every day in a file... Would it be called a Pedofile?"

"Let's begin by pushing a Nickleback album onto every ISIS phone."

"I should really stop getting stoned before I shower. I think I just washed my hair 16 times."

"What do you get when you cross a vegetable with a pronoun? Beets me."

"TEACHER: Jackie take 932 from 1439. What is the difference? Stella: That's what I say what's the difference`?"

"I went to the library and asked if they had the book about men with tiny penises. She said ""I don't think it's in yet"" I said ""Yes, that's the one"""