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Joke of the Day

"The best nicknames are the ones people don't know they have."

"Why dont blind people skydive? because it scares the shit out of their dogs."

"What is that thing, which the maker cannot use, and the user cannot see? Coffin"

"Someone on my street has taken up the clarinet, which has inspired me to take up the sniper rifle..."

"When someone says ""sorry it's so messy in here"" regarding their mostly clean car I laugh so loud I cough up several pieces of trash"

"If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna make damn sure everyone knows my street name: Butthole Teeth."

"My girlfriend asked, ""Why do we always stay home for dinner and never eat out?"" Obviously if I was any good at eating out, then you wouldn't be complaining about staying home."

"lobsters would be proud of themselves if they knew how expensive they were"

"Why did a gun go to the barber? Because it's bangs were getting long!"

"*lays head on homeless guys lap* ""You would not believe the day I had"""