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Joke of the Day

"[notices a girl is cold] here take my pants"

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"Doctor: ""Your wife is in hospital!""... Me: ""...How is she?"" Doctor: ""I'm afraid she's critical"". Me: ""Oh, you get used to that...""."
"Do you know the difference between browsing Reddit and having sex? No? Well, keep on browsing Reddit."
"First woman on Moon: -Huston, we have a problem? What? -Never mind What's the problem? -Nothing Please tell us? -You know what's the problem"
"Dear Airlines, We never really turn the phones off. Signed, Everyone"
"How do you know if someone is a vegan? Because everyone around them will be giving them shit for it."
"Whenever I accidentally watch the Bravo channel, the last thing that comes to mind is the word, ""Bravo!"""
"A ship carrying blue paint has collided with a ship carrying red paint in the English Channel. 32 sailors have been marooned"
"Plastic bags biodegrade quicker than my mum getting to the point on the phone."
"Golf is like life! It has it's ups and downs, but eventually you end up in a hole"