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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said she liked surprises. But you should have seen her face when I told her I have chlamydia."

"Policeman: Why did you stop your car get out and yell ""coward"" at the traffic signal? Motorist: The light just turned yellow."

"Our local council said they are going to get all the coins out of the wishing well and put them into a balloon. Talk about getting everyone's hopes up."

"So I complimented my friend's majestic moustache. No idea why she had to slap me though."

"How to change a baby: 1. Swap it out with a Labrador pup when no one's looking"

"Yo mama is so fat that when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad"

"Helen Keller walks into a bar and a table. And some chairs."

"What is the difference between Harry potter and jews? Harry potter made it out if the chamber"

"Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?"

"Every program I write is completely error free No exceptions"