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Joke of the Day

"Wrong answer ... Wife busted me blow drying my penis after I got out of the shower. She asked what I was doing ... I guess warming up your dinner wasn't the right answer."

"Sometimes I yell at my stepladder, ""You're not my real ladder! You can't tell me what to do!"" And then I kick it. Feels good."

"What's the dirtiest thing ever said at a gay bar? ""Excuse me sir, do you mind if I push in your stool?"""

"Why is a good hooker like a skilled carpenter? No wood gets wasted."

"My sexuality is like classic literature. There's not really any action, and most people are just confused by it."

"A senior partner with a herniated disc limps into a conference room Coworker 1: ""I feel like the world's moving in slow motion"" (pause) Coworker 1: ""Oh wait, it's just Charlie"" (motions at partner)"

"Why did Yellow divorce Green? Because Green blue Indigo."

"Before you insult somebody, walk a mile in their shoes Then, when you insult them you'll be a mile away and they'll have no shoes."

"Why did the pirate have to change wenches? His old one wouldn't let him swab her poop deck."

"Nothing says ""I'm unemployed"" like wishing for snow on Facebook."