167583

Joke of the Day

"I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. (I worked there my freshman year and had to unclog the toilets.)"

"I asked my friend, ""If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?"" He said, ""Cold War Russia."""

"GEORGE WASHINGTON: We should put ""We Trust In God"" on our money THOMAS JEFFERSON: Great idea. Did you get that? YODA (taking notes): Yep"

"My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos."

"Did you hear the joke about the sewage back-up at the juice bar? No? Well, that's okay. It had a shitty punch line."

"What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple."

"I blink one eye at a time because flying squirrels can attack at any moment."

"My gangster name would be The Street. If someone dared to oppose me I'd say ominous things like ""Look both ways before you cross The Street"""

"An interracial couple eating Cheerios and non-English speakers drinking Coke. We're a Benghazi pizza commercial away from a Texas secession."

"Friends are like trees They fall down when you hit them with an axe"