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Joke of the Day

"Maybe that neighbor without a Wi-Fi password isn't an idiot. Maybe he's generous. And an idiot."

"Why is ""abbreviation"" such a long word? "

"Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if they had four it would be a chicken sedan."

"Why are football grounds odd? Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your cock into a girls mouth. -the daily show"

"Anyone who can tell if they're speeding up or slowing down a ceiling fan on the first try is a wizard and should not be trusted."

"American light beer is like two people making love in a canoe... fucking close to water"

"As soon as the inauguration is over, I'm getting a position on Trump's ethics committee. I'm not political, I just need some quite time alone."

"[Showing a friend around the house] Me: And THIS is where my 5 yr old eats his popcorn. *motions to area covered in popcorn."

"Why do virgins never stand still? They are used to being chaste."