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Joke of the Day

"sometimes i wonder was it worth it to get laid at the expense of covering my firewood pile when it was about to rain? no... it never is"

"They say you will eat around 23 spiders in your life, but really you can eat as many as you want. Treat yourself, you deserve it."

"How do calculus students feel about undefined slopes in Cartesian planes? Indifferential."

"I used to be indecisive. But now I'm not so sure."

"Santa should promote clean energy this year. Instead of a lump of coal he should give a can of biofuel to the bad kids."

"I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn't tear away .."

"Talking too much is a sign of insecurity. So is keeping too quiet. So is breathing and having been born a human."

"I think the blue states should get the taco trucks first, and the red states have to wait, because elections have consequences."

"The pirate was pretty tired... He YARwned."

"What does the narcissistic cow say? ""Meeeeee!"" I wrote this. I'm now a comedy writer. You are welcome."