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Joke of the Day

"Yesterday I told someone that I don't like babies? ""Have you tried them with ketchup instead of mayonnaise?"", they asked."

"(Nsfw) How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate their tits a lot. Edit: I need alot (sic) of spelling practice"

"You will feel dumb when we find out the guy who headshotted Harambe was from the future trying to prevent Planet of the Apes.."

"What do my girlfriend and Jesus have in common? Not sure if either of them came once, but I know they haven't come a second time."

"What does an egg say when he gets turnt? Om lit cred: my friend DaMexicanBurrito from playstation."

"What's a pirates favorite letter? You thought it would be 'R' but all pirates love the 'C'."

"I want a house I can drive my car in You could drive from vroom to vroom."

"My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought ""Wow, that could have been me!"" But I can't drive a bus."

"Getting a job right out of college... ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING: Hiring recent college grads. REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers."

"WIFE: Did you buy eggs? ME: Even better. I bought a goat. W: How is that better? M: *stares confusedly for a full minute* How is it not?"