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Joke of the Day

"It's hard to juggle work and a baby... ...without the baby getting a few paper cuts. I haven't left my room today."

"You can fart openly as long as you're always holding a whoopee cushion."

"When you mount a gun rack above your desk, it's surprising how many PowerPoint presentations you simply don't have to see."

"Guy jogging pushing stroller for two kids. But only one there. Don't think he knows he lost one."

"Dear Internet, Once and for all, I agree to ALL ""the terms and conditions"" that have or will ever exist. Jeez!"

"When I was 6 my cousin stole my boomerang. The next day his parents died in a car crash. Andy, if you're reading this, I want my boomerang."

"Let's talk about the elephant in the room. I apologize for bringing it in here last night. There was alcohol involved. Can we keep him?"

"God created the orgasm so women can moan even when they're happy."

"I can't tell if the vegans upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak."

"My wife and I just renewed our vows of celibacy."