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Joke of the Day

"Where there's a will there's an ""OMG! What's it say!? What does it say?""."

"A werewolf is chasing you. You're on a Segway. The werewolf is too. Both batteries are dying, and the chase gets slower and slower."

"What do you call a panda who's legs don't work? Pandapalegic"

"What's the difference between an old Greyhound terminal and a lobster with really big boobs? One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustation! ::buh dum bum::"

"How to get free skydiving lessons. Step 1: Be gay in a Muslim country."

"This password requires one uppercase letter, one number, [at least] one swastika, the blood of your first born and a bird skull."

"Whenever you're feeling down and out, just remember that there's people walking around with Twilight tattoos."

"I set my Tinder location to Flint, Michigan. Those girls are probably hella thirsty..."

"Haters gonna hate. Potatoes gonna potate. Waiters gonna wait. Aligators gonna aligate."

"*walks up to fountain* *throws in a shiny penny* *crosses fingers* *makes wish* *looks over at mother-in-law* *does throat slash motion*"