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Joke of the Day

"""dont get conned into spendin our lottery money"" i wont [calls wife back] will 2 sharks fit in our pool? ""NO"" ok [to salesman] one shark pls"

"Did you hear about the new soda made out of people? ""Yeah, how's it taste?"" ""It varies from person to person."""

"I went to a karaoke bar last night. I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music... at first I was afraid, oh I was petrified."

"She : It's not working between us. He : Why ? She : For starters I can't handle your silly jokes. He : Hmm okay and for main course ?"

"*wife and I start having an argument in a crowded restaurant* *she storms out upset* *I follow* Outside: ""DINE AND DASH SUCCESS!"" *high 5*"

"Apparently vegetables can hear when they're being eaten. So I always drown mine in salad dressing first. Because it's the Romaine thing to do."

"My girlfriend wanted me to include her more.. My girlfriend cuddled up to me and said ""I wish you would play with me like to do those video games"". So, I Dragon-punched her in the face."

"Airline Prices Airline prices are getting out of control, soon they will start charging for emotional baggage. ""Where did he touch you as a kid? that will be an extra $50."""

"What do a d20 and my penis have in common? Girls don't play with either of them."

"Did you know diarrhoea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans."