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Joke of the Day

"ATTN: I'm looking for a new girlfriend Are you: 1. Between the age of 11-69? 2. Mostly female? 3. Trained to poop outside? DM for details"

"my wife said ive got a drink problem over the holidays........ .........yes you're right , ive only got one mouth. badum tsss."

"Just stirred my coffee with a fork if any of you guys are looking for a new bad boy to join your crew."

"Why don't you ever watch old people have sex? You ever spread open a grilled cheese?"

"Fitness tip: It's absolutely crucial to take ""rest days"" when working out so you don't get hurt. I've recently taken over 300 of them."

"Two fish were in a tank... One says to the other: you shoot, I'll drive"

"Concentration Camps (x-post from /r/Poems) Guess Who? It's a Jew Concentration camps for You! Boo Hoo! It's a Haiku F*** You. Edit: I know it's not a haiku."

"What happened when Red-Beard's ship and Blue-Beard's ship crashed into each other? They were MAROONED!"

"Why don't Jewish guys give oral sex? It's too close to the gas chamber."

"Old man Johnson and his world-champion pole vaulting neighbor are really one in the same... They both grip their sticks and try to get it up."