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Joke of the Day

"Breaking up with your significant other is like bowling You carry something heavy going into it, and if it goes as planned, you walk away with an X."

"The recipe said to crush the garlic So I told it, ""You'll never amount to anything!"""

"Q: Why did the baker rob the bank? A: He needed the dough."

"Chuck Norris doesn't swim, water just likes to be around him"

"How does John Lennon get his kids to eat their vegetables? He tells them to ""Give Peas a Chance"""

"I'm a pediatrician. Oh, so you're into feet? Uh no...children. Isn't that illegal?"

"So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder... The bartender says ""Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"" ""Africa!"", says the parrot."

"What do you call 32 white people locked in a closet? A captive Cherokee."

"I was armed to the teeth. Now most of my teeth are gone. Let's just say I filed an assault case."

"Everybody mad at me like it's common knowledge to wait til after the eulogy before you start clapping. Sorry I didn't go to funeral college."