166585

Joke of the Day

"Breaking up with your significant other is like bowling You carry something heavy going into it, and if it goes as planned, you walk away with an X."

Next Joke
 
"me: ah, now I will drift gently off to dreamland. refrigerator: I SHALL MAKE US SOME ICE CUBES"
"*at hostage negotiation class Prof: Let's go around and say why we're here Man: I joined the NYPD Woman: I'm in the FBI Me: I have a toddler"
"How does NASA organize a party They planet"
"What happens when a carpenter drinks with his wife? He gets hammered and she gets nailed."
"My son asked me if mayonnaise was a mammal. *cashes in college fund *installs a pool in backyard"
"How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb? 1 and 12 people to say how inspiring it was"
"The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good."
"Damn girl, are you a ""damn girl"" joke? Because I want to see you everywhere for the first 5 minutes, then suddenly none of you."
"Her: hear that? Me: nope Her: what if someone's is trying to get in to murder me? Me: only person that wants to murder you is already inside"