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Joke of the Day

"it's weird how Americans say ""soccer"" instead of ""football"" and my dad says ""I wish you were dead"" rather than ""i love you"""

"If you want world peace, your army should be made up of massage therapists. I mean, who could fight while getting a relaxing massage?"

"What do you call an islander killed by a car? Polygon (sorry)"

"Nothing like an episode of ""I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"" to make you feel like a Harvard double major."

"What part of America can't sell full sized soft drinks? Minnesota"

"What's Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Wataaaah!"

"Man of Steel question. When young Clark Kent was wearing a cape in the yard, who was he pretending to be? Liberace?"

"What did Humpty Dumpty say to his girlfriend when she said they were breaking up? Is this some sort of yolk?"

"A homeless guy asked me ""would you give me $5 for a sandwich?"" I said ""I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."""

"What's the downside to bigamy? More than one mother-in-law."