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Joke of the Day

"A guy calls the hospital. He says, ""You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"" The nurse says, ""Calm down. Is this her first child?"" He says, ""No! This is her husband!"""

"Did you hear of the old man that died while masturbating? He had a stroke."

"Why is women's soccer so rare? It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit."

"Before I go out binge drinking I always eat a stick of butter. It doesn't do anything I just make really poor life choices."

"Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia... He died last year."

"What do you call a drunk Muslim? Hammad. What do you call a really drunk Muslim? Mohammad"

"I'd get my mind out of the gutter, but I think it's wrong to remove an animal from its natural habitat."

"Please leave a message after the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack."

"I asked a sexy chinese girl for her number, she replied sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight... I said wow, I must be in luck, until her friend grabbed me and said, she means 6663629"

"*wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!"