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Joke of the Day

"Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak"

"So bartenders are starting to make a drink called the ""Hurricane Sandy""... Essentially, it's a just a watered-down Manhattan."

"Nursing Problems As a Nurse, its my job to have patients - Oh the irony in how the 'patients' have absolutely no patience for me. My job is to save your ass..(colonoscopy etc.) Not Kiss It. :D"

"The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse, gets the cheese! [Dark humor, I love it!]"

"What does an army of fire ants have in common with a horny dolphin? Both come in waves."

"I approach the boring task of buying tampons with the same procrastination used when needing to fill the car up with petrol: ignore depleting supplies until well in the red."

"*Adobe update puts on fake moustache and glasses* Hi, my name is iOS 7, would you like to download updates?"

"Me: theres a man outside fighting with water Wife: the neighbour? Me: yes Wife: is he in the pool? Me: yes Wife: again, its called swimming"

"Replaced my shoelaces with ear buds and now they tie themselves."

"My mom's favorite part of Mother's Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order."