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Joke of the Day

"Forrest Gump came out 20 years ago. Can you believe that?! Of course you can because you're not an idiot who doesn't know how time works."

"My sickening birdwatching experience. I must be ill - I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird. I think I've taken a tern for the wurst."

"When a woman tells you you're cute', it means you're ugly and you just entered the friendzone."

"A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a salad The bartender says ""Sorry, we don't serve food here""."

"When people ask how I got the latest movies on my computer.. I respond by telling them my lovely bay with hella booty gives them to me.arggg"

"Only Pools And Corpses A new sitcom starring Michael Barrymore and Demi Moore."

"Therapist: How's your narcissism? Much better I thin...*sees my ex walking by* [opens window] HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE I BROKE UP WITH YOU!"""

"The worst part about working with a bunch of dicks... ...is they tend to rub off on you."

"A high schooler told his geology teacher that.. ""geology rocks!"" The teacher's response? ""that's Gneiss, but it's too bad you're so schist at it"" #\#rokt"

"What was the philosopher's favorite toy growing up? Playdough."