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Joke of the Day

"3:Mommy why do I have to wear a coat, it's not that cold out!? Me:So other Moms don't judge me and talk shit, Buddy."

"What do you call pizza that isn't yours? Impersonal pizza"

"My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet."

"Every thousand years the long rain comes... And with it come the wet walkers..."

"With Jupiter ascending flopping the wachowskis are planning to quit the movie biz and going into the fast growing Mexican food business They are planning on naming their company as the Nachoskis"

"What do you call a fish who works for the government? An Official."

"What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes."

"My wife is so weird She starts every conversation with ""were you even listening to me?"""

"I can't believe christmas is 364 days away... And people already have their decorations up."

"Lol how ""take you out"" could mean either we're going on a date or I'm gonna kill you."