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Joke of the Day

"""Expose yourself to Art"" they said ""Art will tase you and call the cops on you"" they didn't say"

"Just heard a dad threaten to spank his screaming son ""in front of the world."" Stand your ground, kid. There's no way he has that technology."

"One day my kids are gonna be like ""please let us off the roof"" and ill reply ""400 on black"" because ill be at a roulette table far far away."

"""Doctor, how bad is it?"" ""I mean, you're just not a great singer. I don't know why you needed a doctor to confirm for you, but there it is."""

"I'll have whatever Steve Buscemi isn't having."

"Snow's starting to melt. Soon I'll have to rake the leaves from last fall and do something with the dead panda. I told the kids he ran away."

"what you call a Chinese man with a camera? Phil ming"

"A woman is at the doctors office and the doctor asks the woman, do you know what your ass hole is doing during an orgasm? I don't know probably out golfing with his buddies."

"I wish my ears would visibly lay back like a cats when I'm pissed off so people would know when to leave me the hell alone."

"Fat people. You can't run, but you can't hide either."