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Joke of the Day
"two toms and a hi-hat fall off a cliff... bu-dum tss"
Next Joke
"Me: [sneaks off to lay by pool cuz kids are finally playing] 7yo: HERE I AM MOMMY SO YOU DON'T HAFTA BE ALONE Me: [sigh] Thanks bud."
"Gonna start a gym called ""Resolutions"". For the first two weeks of January it's a gym. The rest of the year it becomes a bar."
"My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they're more brave than I am."
"A hot dog walks into a bar The bartender says, ""We don't serve sandwiches here."" The hot dog says, ""That's ok. I came for the roast beef."""
"Wanna hear a joke? My fucking grades after my midterms."
"Share the most offensive and politically incorrect jokes you know."
"Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie? To-mate-toes!"
"Why are double amputees always wrong? Because they don't have a leg to stand on. Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself."
"I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons."