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Joke of the Day

"Obama has been endorsed by Warren Buffett, Colin Powell, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates. Romney has been endorsed by Lindsay Lohan."

"If you look at the number of mosques there are in London.... If you look at the number of mosques there are in London you can only come to one conclusion: Jesus is **** at Monopoly."

"If you`re not going to help me break into my ex`s house to delete the hysterical message i left on his answerphone,then you`re not my friend"

"Politicians have more need of diapers than babies because they're full of way more shit."

"What did the skeptical turd say to the conspiracy theorist asshole? You're shitting me, right?"

"The awkward moment when you say, ""I love you,"" then the pizza delivery guy says, ""That'll be $12.46, please."""

"Even a broken clock is right twice a day, unless it lives with a woman"

"Ted: ""Dad, why don't I have a middle name?"" Dad: ""Actually son, Ted is your middle name. Your first name is Adop"""

"Why do Mexicans make burritos? So they can unwrap something for Christmas!"

"It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye; unless you're Stevie Wonder, then it's just ironic."