165048

Joke of the Day

"I love the Olympics #OpeningCeremony. It reminds me of that time I had to run to the creek when my sleeve caught on fire."

"The fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account."

"Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain. Her husband strokes her back and says, ""I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"" She says, ""Don't worry. It's not your fault."""

"Why was the nerd not late for class? ...He booked it."

"I wanted to tell you a joke about egoists... but I'll keep that one for myself."

"Last night I was driving down an old country road when I hit a pedestrian going 50 mph. It seemed to take forever for help to arrive. That's the last time I use that towing company."

"Why is Bruce Wayne's hair messed up? Because of his cowlick."

"Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish... ... but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast."

"*holds finger up and chews for like 8 minutes after aunt asks me how I've been*"

"Taylor swift waved at a boy yesterday But he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow."