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Joke of the Day

"Have you seen the new iPhone card trick? It's the one where all the jacks dissappear"

"I like my women like I like my Isis victims. Topless. Remember, this is just a joke, so don't be offended. It's nothing to lose your head over."

"""Don't kill it!"" my friend pleaded for a spider's life inside. So I carefully trapped it in a cup, brought it outside, then stomped on it."

"""The bond's Name. James Name"" Pleased to... what? ""Bond Name's the james"" Are you alright? ""Bames Nond's having a stronk, call a Bondulance"""

"Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder? Harry: What did the sign say? Fred: Stop."

"I was the principle subject in a lengthy experiment on laziness They told me the results but I couldn't be fucked listening."

"Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger But she did move to California in 1849..."

"What is Donald Trump's least favorite '80s band? Foreigner"

"My wife loves sports... Her favorite position is beside herself, and her favorite sport is jumping to conclusions."

"I wish my ex girlfriend was a Ninja, this way I'd never see her"