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Joke of the Day

"Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President? A: A competent liberal President."

"What is a pirate's favorite class in school? Arrrrrrt class."

"Please don't tell my three year old his oversized black calculator isn't really an iPad. He'd be crushed to learn his dad lied to him."

"What did the lesbian vampire say to the other? See you next month!"

"Relationship status: Putting aloe on the wall and rubbing against it to apply in places that I can't reach."

"I used to think I'd never be able to be president because I'm a woman but now I know it's because I don't like drinking water"

"What's the worst part of being a paedophile? It's hard to fit in."

"I hate that fucking composer he is such a son of a bach."

"I took a poop today that didn't flush... That shit was revolting."

"She was two thirds married once. What do you mean ? Well she turned up the Minster turned up but the groom didn't !"