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Joke of the Day

"Q: Did you hear about the professor that got in a horrible wreck? A: He was grading papers on a curve."

"I'm starting to think I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my own home."

"Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring... Wedding ring... Suffering!!!"

"Why does the american loose at billard ? Beacause he always shoots at the black one."

"Items that are made from velcro... Are such a rip-off."

"I met my wife in an African Languages class. We just clicked."

"HER:I love Tolstoy's take on the human moral struggle ME:*Trying to impress* See I prefer Tolstoyee 3 where Woody was in the trash compactor"

"I told my sons i would buy them each a new Nerf gun. Me: ""Im going to buy you boys a new Nerf gun today"" Son: ""I don't want a Nerf gun i want a Transformer"" Me: ""It's Nerf or nothing"""

"When I'm stressed, I go to the gym Cause then I could workout my problems"

"There's a skinny girl inside me who is just DYING to get out. She stole the last cupcake & then bragged about her metabolism, so I ate her."