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Joke of the Day

"A well-known doctor recently passed away and is having a funeral this weekend. There will be no coffin at the funeral."

"CUTE GIRL: [motioning to my dog] is he yours? ME: no, he's adopted"

"How did spider-man reach the inner city kids? He web-slang"

"Kate who dumped me at junior school now wants me to like her interior decorating Facebook page. How the tables have turned Kate."

"So I had a dream the other night that I won $100K on a scratch off lottery ticket. Tonight I bought one and I won my $1 back"

"Wish I could focus on anything with even half the intensity of my dog watching me eat yogurt."

"My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that"

"Oops! I left the curtains open. Now my neighbors know what my junk looks like pressed up against the window with a flashlight aimed at it."

"A statistician has half his body encased in ice and the other half engulfed in flames. So on average, they felt fine."

"Every year you swallow ten beetles in your sleep! That's what my gastroentomologist told me."